Monday, June 29, 2015


One Year of Motherhood in Facebook Statuses

July 1st, 2014: Thank you everyone for the warm wishes! Emaad and I are blessed to have welcomed Reza into the world with so many friends and family there for us. All three of us are happy, healthy and very much in love!

July 6th, 2014: Never thought I'd see the day when I define a two hour nap as blessed beauty sleep.

July 15th, 2014: Scientific observation of the day: the sound of mama's head touching a pillow, fork touching a plate or hand touching the shower faucet will stimulate baby's bowels and appetite.

July 21st, 2014: Feels so strange not to be going back to work next week.

July 23rd, 2014: Already folding away littlu's newborn sized clothes! Big boy outfits here we come :)

July 30th, 2014: Thank you for the toughest and best thirty days of our lives littlu! Through every night of endless walking, singing and burping your dad and I still can't believe how blessed we are to have you. I am the luckiest mom in the world to have your poop on my shirt right now. Happy one month baby boy!

August 8th, 2014: I used to care about world affairs, now I am obsessed with my child's bodily functions and nothing else. Thank you Facebook friends for keeping me in the loop about something other than the contents of my baby's diaper.

August 16th, 2014: Made it through vaccines and their painful aftermath! The baby did too :)

August 21st, 2014: First date night without baby!

August 24th, 2014: You know something's changed in you when scenes from Baby's Day Out are suddenly terrifying.

August 28th, 2014: You know the news has been on a lot when your baby can't sleep without Tahir ul Qadri's voice in the background. ‪#‎inquilab‬ ‪#‎sideeffectsofrevolution‬

September 2nd, 2014: I miss school bells, my students' faces, the crazy things I read in test papers, inhaling lunch between fifth and sixth period, misspelled words on the canteen menu, the excitement of designing new term projects, the sense of achievement before 9am, battling over the one working printer and copy machine, the smell of library's September and I miss work!

September 16th, 2014: How is it even possible to sleep through episodes of The Walking Dead but wake up every time I hear the baby's pacifier fall out? Clearly I have superpowers now.

October 4th, 2014: "We have transcended space and time. There is no day. There is no night. There is only cluster feeding."

October 15th, 2014: It's 4pm and I'm still in my PJs singing ninni baba ninni to myself while baby scowls and wriggles. I think we can give up on the daytime nap for today.

October 24th, 2014: Baby may not be allowed screen time but mama can't stop watching BabyTV HD. Right now they are showing men in top hats playing violins in stripey outfits with animated penguins flying across the screen. Amazing.

October 29th, 2014: Maths refresher: the amount of effort I put into putting the baby to sleep is inversely proportionate to the length of his nap. ‪#‎sleepstrike‬ ‪#‎daythree‬

November 1st, 2014: SECOND time in a week someone's told me my "baby brother" is really cute. Time to shop for some grown up clothes, I think. Goodbye, 2007 jeans and pink sneakers.

November 11th, 2014: "You might be the same person deep inside, but what the world sees is a woman lugging around a giant umbilical cord." Society's Mommy Problem

November 14th, 2014: Contract signed, timings confirmed and I'm on my way to being a functioning member of the work force next semester. So panicky that I might have worse separation anxiety than the baby.

November 16th, 2014: My Life Journal, By Baby Reza
8pm: Fight sleep. I'm a busy guy.
11pm: Cry because she gave me the WRONG pacifier. I like the blue one best!
12am: Pretend to sleep and scream as soon as she goes to the bathroom. Just a practical joke to keep her on her toes, lolz
2am: But I'm hungry tonight frown emoticon
3.30am: Really, really hungry!
5am: Hyperventilate because she handed me to the one that doesn't have breasts.
6am: Oh look, it's morning!
7am: Wakeupwakeupwakeup!
8am: Why can't they BOTH tickle my tummy?
9am: Ugh, they've been such a pain! Must stop sleeping through the night to help train them!

November 17th, 2014: They are having Screen Time in the Real Bed while I lie in the little one with railings and floating animals. I have sworn to open my eyes every ten minutes till they realize TV is bad for THEIR cognitive development--Baby Reza.

December 10th, 2014: When will they write a parenting book with an appropriate chapter on how to unwrap a Snickers bar REALLY QUIETLY?

December 12th, 2014: 15th birthday with Emaad and first one with Reza. So much to be thankful for! Can't wait to turn 77 with these two :)

December 20th, 2014: This is way too familiar! "Your typical sleep routine involves bouncing your baby on an exercise ball, in a closet, in the dark, with white noise at full volume, while sweating profusely, standing on your head, while praying 'Please dear God, please let my baby sleep.' After a refreshing 10-20 minute nap, he awakens."

December 30th, 2014: I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always. Happy half-year baby boy! Thank you for making all this a thousand times more fun than anyone said it would be.

January 29th, 2015: And three years makes three of us!

February 13th, 2015: After smearing poop in my hair I had to clap for myself, because She didn't appreciate the performance at all. Sometimes I wonder why God gave me skills nobody appreciates--Baby Reza

February 14th, 2015: I hope everyone's V Day was as great as mine was until my balloons flew away. Now I'm having to reflect on the transience of life--Baby Reza

March 4th, 2015: 8.15pm: OMG my baby's actually asleep for the night, I feel so free!
4.00am: OMG my baby's awake for the day, I feel like a zombie!!Going to have to rethink this early bedtime business.

March 10th, 2015: Baby Reza's To Do List
-Open all drawers and cabinets
-Taste all potential poisons and choking hazards
-Practice long, withering looks for when strapped in carseat/fed bland vegetables
-Drink tea from a Real Cup
-Get hands inside soiled diaper. This is a priority item for when diaper-changer is wearing white
-Draw on at least two items of parents' clothing
-Escape crib-prison

March 23rd, 2015: Managed to finish lunch by 9pm. In other news, the leaves, yoga mat, dirty sneaker and stale cheeto out of the trash that my kid tried to eat today didn't do any harm! ‪#‎winningatparenting‬

April 19th, 2015: Reza's Sunday morning nap with his dad=cup of coffee and remote in my hand. There should be more weekends in a week.

May 2nd, 2015: Just spent two hours at the mall with my kid, so I'm logging 45 minutes of high intensity interval training in my workout diary for that valiant effort. I also learned that my bag can withstand having strawberry smoothie poured into the main pocket.

May 6th, 2015: "Your views on parenting are just as important as your views on politics, education, social issues-but no one would expect you to agree on those all the time...mothers are expected to share one giant megamind and support and love each other constantly. Yeah, that would be great. But it's unrealistic, and frankly, really sexist." You Say Mommy Wars, I Say Healthy Debate

May 12th, 2015: Pretty sure my kid thinks the only reason he learned how to walk is so he can run away during a diaper change and leave a trail of shit across the room. It's cool that he has such clear goals in life, though.

May 24th, 2015: Trying to take a nap without Reza hanging off me feels oddly incomplete. He better miss me half as much on his day with his Nano!

June 18th, 2015: Use last chance to buy a doughnut at 12pm: check! Ramzan Mubarak guys, I'm one Islamic year old now! --Baby Reza

June 30th, 2015: Happy birthday to the light of our lives! May you have many more with endless love, laughter and blessings.